Repentance is an issue with which I struggle daily. On the one hand I have the Gospel, the Good News, the atonement of my sins by the sacrifice of Our Lord Jesus Christ on the Cross. That is cause for great comfort and joy. On the other hand I have my sinful nature, my regular transgressions, my inability to not sin, and as much as I do try, I live in the full knowledge that I will fail to achieve the perfection that I seek. When I pray, repenting of my sins, asking God’s forgiveness and forbearance, promising to try harder with His help to sin no more, I have this sense of hypocrisy as this little voice inside me says, “But you said that yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that”. There is this constant tension between the joy of Our Lord’s salvation, and the despair of not being able to be free of sin. I find it difficult to find the balance: despair is a sin in itself, a rejection of the Cross and God’s promises, yet it is inconceivable that I should be comfortable with my offences against God. It is, for me, perhaps the greatest challenge I find in following Christ, maintaining the joy of salvation whilst being saddened by the burden of sin. I can cope with the sweet sorrow of remembering my daughter tragically killed aged 19, I can balance the conflicting emotions, but I get nowhere close to balancing the joy and guilt of not keeping the commandments of the God who saved me.
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Repentance is an issue with which I struggle daily. On the one hand I have the Gospel, the Good News, the atonement of my sins by the sacrifice of Our Lord Jesus Christ on the Cross. That is cause for great comfort and joy. On the other hand I have my sinful nature, my regular transgressions, my inability to not sin, and as much as I do try, I live in the full knowledge that I will fail to achieve the perfection that I seek. When I pray, repenting of my sins, asking God’s forgiveness and forbearance, promising to try harder with His help to sin no more, I have this sense of hypocrisy as this little voice inside me says, “But you said that yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that”. There is this constant tension between the joy of Our Lord’s salvation, and the despair of not being able to be free of sin. I find it difficult to find the balance: despair is a sin in itself, a rejection of the Cross and God’s promises, yet it is inconceivable that I should be comfortable with my offences against God. It is, for me, perhaps the greatest challenge I find in following Christ, maintaining the joy of salvation whilst being saddened by the burden of sin. I can cope with the sweet sorrow of remembering my daughter tragically killed aged 19, I can balance the conflicting emotions, but I get nowhere close to balancing the joy and guilt of not keeping the commandments of the God who saved me.
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